Renting From Friends: Uncover the Hidden Risks of Friendlords!

When Rachel was in need of accommodation, her old friend Maya gladly offered her a room in her house. After all, that’s what friends are for, right?

Having lost her job, Rachel returned to her hometown looking to start over. Maya, who she knew since childhood, had recently bought a three-bedroom house with financial help from her parents.

Rachel proposed to pay rent, and Maya set the amount at the going rate for similar accommodations. Rachel agreed, recognizing her precarious situation and appreciating Maya’s support.

As time passed, however, Rachel found herself increasingly at Maya’s service, frequently taking on more housekeeping responsibilities than seemed fair. Whether it was washing dishes Maya had left behind or cleaning up the kitchen after Maya had cooked, Rachel ended up doing it.

Rachel even adhered to Maya’s peculiar household rules, such as no laundry in communal areas and avoiding strong cooking odors. She kept her laundry in her room and steered clear of cooking strong-smelling foods like fish or curry, thinking of it as her way to express gratitude for sharing the home, despite also paying rent.

But Maya’s requirements became more demanding over time. She began to scrutinize how often Rachel worked from home or did her laundry. The situation reached a tipping point when the front door lock malfunctioned. The locksmith identified it as a structural defect, yet Maya held Rachel responsible and billed her for the repair.

“That’s when I saw what was clear all along,” Rachel explains. Maya treated her like a friend when it was convenient, but otherwise, Rachel was just another tenant. She moved out soon after. “I don’t think I can continue a friendship with someone who would treat me—or anyone—like that,” she says.

Friendship is a bond that should involve equality, but increasing social and economic disparities are straining such relationships, turning friends into landlords and tenants.

Data from the flatsharing service SpareRoom indicates an 89% rise in homeowners renting out rooms in the three years leading to January 2024, propelled by escalating living costs. Renters are under similar stress, particularly in London, where the average room now costs around £1,000 per month.

With homeowners looking for extra income and renters in search of affordable options, friends are finding middle ground in these transactions.

Enter the “friendlord”: a friend with a spare room who might even offer a rent discount, seeming like the best compromise in an unequal society.

However, this setup risks creating a power imbalance within a personal relationship. Not every friendship can endure financial discussions, maintenance requests, or living together. And if the arrangement fails, the loss might be more than just a place to stay—it could mean losing a friendship.

Emily moved in with a friendlord three years ago. They had known each other since they were kids, and it seemed like a mutually beneficial arrangement when her friend was purchasing a flat.

Yet, Emily struggles to feel truly at home. She is constantly conscious of her behavior in shared spaces, unlike when she lived in a jointly rented flat. She keeps her personal items to a minimum and remains silent even if her food is taken from the fridge, avoiding conflict with her friend. Even small details, like the placement of towels in the bathroom, underscore an implicit hierarchy. The proximity has also brought an uncomfortable closeness. “No friend should know how much toilet paper the other uses,” Emily remarks. “It’s frustrating living so close to someone when you’re longing for your own space,” she adds.

For others, the potential pitfalls of renting from a friend are still preferable to facing the rental market’s uncertainties. “When it’s a friend, you hope—at least—that you won’t be completely taken advantage of,” Helen comments.

She rents from a friend who is thorough and professional, crafting a formal rental agreement, conducting an inventory, and even consulting with landlord advisory services. This formality helps Helen separate their personal relationship from their tenant-landlord dynamic. “It’s clear she’s in a position to buy, and I’m not,” Helen states, countering any criticisms that she’s just aiding in paying off her friend’s mortgage.

For friendlords, managing this dual role can be challenging. Tim, who rented out his flat to a friend after moving in with his girlfriend, is conscious of the inherent responsibility. “Having dealt with terrible landlords myself, the last thing I want is to become one,” he declares. He strives for fairness and transparency, offering rent at 25-50% below the market rate and skipping the security deposit. “These are basic expectations you’d hope any landlord meets, but it’s even more crucial when your tenant is your friend,” he says.

Tim also makes an effort to maintain a balance in their relationship, choosing to socialize outside of the flat to avoid overstepping boundaries. “It’d be strange to hang out there as if I still lived there,” he explains.

Yet, even with mutual understanding, the dynamic of one friend being the landlord can be hard to ignore, notes journalist Alice Wilkinson, author of a book on house sharing. She once rented from a friend and found their shared history helpful in navigating potential awkwardness. “Living together actually deepened our friendship, allowing me to get to know her partner better,” she recounts.

However, not everyone has such positive experiences. One interviewee for Wilkinson’s book ended up cooking daily for her friendlord, who would pick recipes from a meal kit. “She felt she had to comply because her housemate owned the home,” Wilkinson says.

Sometimes, the disparity in status between the friendlord and lodger is stark. Melissa lived with a couple who excitedly shared their new blackout curtains for their room but neglected to consider her need for one in her room. “The dynamic was just too strange,” she recalls, leading her to move out soon after.

In the worst cases, friendlords can exploit the situation. Eimear moved in with a friend of a friend who saw her as a source of income. Soon after, the friendlord went traveling and rented out her own room on Airbnb, repeatedly leaving Eimear with strangers. “I’d lie awake wondering about who was next door,” she says. After a few months, when Eimear expressed her discomfort, her friendlord evicted her on New Year’s Eve.

A friendlord might offer less stability than the open market. Lodgers, who share the landlord’s primary residence, generally have fewer rights than tenants, including more vulnerability to rent hikes and no deposit protection. Landlords need only give minimal notice before eviction.

“Even if you trust your friend, you could be out on the street in a week or less,” warns Nye Jones, head of campaigns at Generation Rent. He suggests considering such arrangements as temporary and advises caution, even among close friends. “As a lodger, your security is minimal. A landlord can simply change the locks,” he adds.

A lock change could likely end the friendship as well, he concedes. “It’s hard to recover from something like that.”